A Letter to Wives


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I think I like to be vocal and honest about marriage stuff because no one taught me how to be a wife and I didn’t have someone to call when I was blowing it royally in the beginning years when I was a fit throwing idealist with little grace for myself let alone my husband. I’ve learned some stuff over the years, that marriage has seasons, one person has been stronger when the other is weak, we’ve experienced when both of us have been exhausted and overwhelmed, we’ve come through some mountain tops of first experiences like our houses and kids … We have been well behaved communicators and we haven’t been. You see when I was a kid (I was a 22yr old kid because I lacked maturity and a God centered understanding of love when we married and well we always can grow into more of that) … But as I became a woman, I began to put those things behind me … I learned telling my husband all his faults NEVER motivated him to want to change, putting him down and letting him in on all my disappoints never made him go I want to love her more. I think as women in marriage when we are hurt we can spend more time day dreaming about what our marriage would be if our husbands would be the man we think they should be instead of loving the person and getting to know the person in front of our face. Or we focus on all that could be better and just stop trying to have fun. A wife isn’t what a certificate makes a woman, it’s a living, active, growing, changing, adapting, commitment that takes work, love, nurture and understanding. Don’t get me wrong there are still days I want to lose my junk but I’ve made a decision I want to be a woman that values myself and my voice, that I try to use it in a way I can be heard but even then I can’t control outcomes, and grace gives people space to work out their own junk too. Somethings aren’t fixed or healed overnight. My husband is a great man and we’ve walked through stuff, we have become okay with saying we are not perfect and that we lean on God. I hope this helps someone, don’t get caught up in marriage comparisons, keep working and fighting for what is yours. You are well able to walk the seasons with grace, because God says if we call on His wisdom, He gives it and we are never alone.

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