Star Girl

Girlfriends,

This is kinda like an update and girlfriend commission! I haven’t been posting blogs lately not because I’ve lost the love for it….I’ve just been working on a personal project (we’ll see what comes of it). But I HAVE to say I have been (with-out-words) blessed by some of my girlfriend’s blogs!!! …and feeling like…WOW…God is up to something…He is speaking to HIS women…He is speaking to the Mother’s heart…and He’s birthing  His dreams for destiny!!! My friend Celeste wrote a blog called DREAMS (visit http://celestebarnard.blogspot.com) and sent me to it…omg my heart jumped as the Holy Spirit was confirming what He had been speaking to my heart in what she wrote. Also another friend Becky posted a blog entitled LOOKING BOTH WAYS (http://meetzegazette.blogspot.com) as she wrote about what the Holy Spirit had taught her this last year…I again found myself dumbfounded in His holy presence. I could hear Him speaking to my heart about His love for us…and how sometimes we feel like we can’t hear Him because we are so hard on ourselves…built on a standard that’s not Him. Love and Grace is His standard. Self acceptance and truth are His standard! Oh Lord that we  would walk in greater truth…as deep calls unto deep so we cry out for YOU the living GOD!

All this to say I am in awe of the friends that Jesus has allowed me to connect and partner with to take on this thang called life;)  Women who walk with God in the midst of crumbs under their tables, toys scattered through their living rooms, piles of laundry always looming, and the precious but redundant voices that utter some form of Mommy continually through the day…but, yet they are STILL finding God!…and the AMAZING part… GOD is to be found! …but not to forget my friends without children… YET:)!…juggling working and being wife…you are still finding God and giving Him a place…how astounding!

Encouragement is powerful!!! And that’s what I’ve found in the hearts of the woman around me…encouragement that we can do this THANG!!! We can do it well and we can be FANTASTIC!

I think especially among woman it’s important to call out the giftings and praise the growth we see in each others lives. The enemies trap is getting woman caught up in comparing and judging…when Jesus wants ALL of us to succeed and go after our dreams…whatever they may be!!! WE must revel in God in each other’s lives…call out what we see Him doing and come along side God’s plan and say..YOU CAN DO THIS!!! (I love how my precious friend Tirzah called a couple of us on the carpet saying…,”I’ve been to your blogs and alas nothing…can’t wait to hear what you have to share.”…I loved that!…I love the thought and accountability!

So here’s the encouragement that’s exploding in my heart as I stand on the side lines like a cheerleader watching my friends tackle life head on with God!!!

Rebecca~Don’t hold back!!! Unleash the pit bull..we all know he’s in there;) I’m talking about your tenacity…I’m talking about the charm bracelet of giftings and experiences you are called to share with the church…your not called to a few…your called to all! I’m not talking just writing…I’m talking leadership and writing! Can’t wait to be in full view of your bloom!!!

Yvonne~ We haven’t seen anything YET! YOU know it…I know it…and I’m watching…waiting on the tip of my seat about to fall over waiting to see the Holy Spirit explode His purposes in your life. …and ya you’ve been walking in your giftings , ministering, and even getting burnt out sometimes…BUT a new maturing is setting in…I saw IT this last time we were together and I was like what are you doing God?…I want in the know!!! I believe in YOU!! I have ALWAYS believed in YOU!

Celeste~ Over the twelve years I’ve known you..I can probably could count on one hand the times we’ve had the opportunity to hang out! I love that your fun and your spunky… but in God your a fire ball! You have taken Him to the bank on His promises and it’s evident in your life. Your a fighter and an overcomer…keep writing…seriously keep writing…your words inspire and encourage!

Courtney~ My friend who loves to love! It’s been a year of understanding All the deeps of His love hasn’t it:)…really His love for you! How it’s not measured in the opinions of others or the riches (status) of this world …that the depth of His love for us can be found in a season of sacred humility and ultimate dependency. How you’ve gone with him were others are not willing to go…to find truth…to find healing…and now the beginings of VICTORY!! I’m proud of YOU!

Tirzah~ What a blessing your unexpected friendship has been to me! When we came to CO to visit…right away I felt a kindredness and my spirit was immediately at rest in your presence. I love the purity of who you are…I love the encouragement that flows from you…and the best part the humility in which you are unaware of how greatly God uses you! Your AMAZING in so many ways…conquer all that’s in your heart friend!!! Rarely do you find a person that loves so purely… I’ll never forget my breakfast in bed!

Becky~ I look forward to getting to know you better over time! But I have to say…I loved the maturity in which you allowed God to teach you such amazing lessons this last year! Such great revelation and honesty…it’s the kinda truth that sets free. Please keep writing and inspiring!!

Melissa~ The girl can do anything and do it well! There is a great currant of excellence that runs through you! Your so much more than meets the eye! I love how you asses life (your such a watcher)..you take the good and throw out the bad all with having an ability to be incredible gracious of others!! So many dreams are alive in YOU…I can’t wait to see the mosaic masterpiece you become!!!!

My Princess Sarah!~ Oh how you’ve come so far and your going even farther! Your raw and truthful with just the perfect amount of comedy but your also so desperate to please your Father God! There’s no cookie cutter Christian woman…He’s made a place in the kingdom that has your name on it. Your dreams would shock others and Jesus is in that business..because He gets the glory..Keep dreaming BIG girl!! You’ll be amazed at His faithfulness!

Renee~ OMG…so grateful that God brought you back in my life…and from what seems like nowhere! How crazy BIG He is! Your like a stable rock…dependable and like the perfect marriage of fun and faithfulness! Greatness is ya sista!!! I feel it and know it every time I’m with you and think how lucky I am to enjoy the ride of being your friend! So many adventures yet to come!

Joanna~ You are loyal with integrity to the very core!!! I trust you with my life!  I can’t find an adjective that would do justice (and I love adjectives!) to express how much I cherish our friendship! You are an amazing journey mate…I have loved seeking to know God more with you! Our many talks of our revelation of who He IS have always inspired me. There is SO much in you! Dream without limits…God has something in store!

Stacy~ Your probably like how did I end up on this list;) I have to tell you girl…(I do try to hold back when we go lunching) so I don’t freak you out…but, when I’m with you I just wanna draw the giftings right out of you! Your so FULL…I venture to say that you might already know this. (Did you like that run on;) No…REALLY…there is a depth in you…you got share it straight up girl…you’ve overcome some things…you’ve seen God BE faithful! I DO love that your blogging..but, you NEED to be blogging;)

Well…WOW…now that I’m done…HELLO!!!…how amazing to know so many AMAZING woman of God…who inspire me daily! I feel so BLESSED!! I love and appriciate you ALL! I hope it was also an encouragement to you that there are other woman out there going after God with ALL their hearts!

You might think this comes easy to me…but actually two years ago God asked me to live out loud (and a lot of that has also been through  my writing)… I used to cherish things in my heart and never share the deep things in my heart with others. He gave me a revelation of how we need to hear it…that GOD sees us and that we see each other!

So…

With the GREATEST love,

Your Friend… ~Ris

 Okay…I know…”Granny Panties”…bear with me as I share this mornings sweet revelation. I had just finished taking a shower (the place I do the business with God since my three year old won’t even let me go to the bathroom alone because as Hudson would put it…”I need to be with you”)… I was meditating on a song to which the lyrics say we lay are crowns at your feet and in my heart I was responding that way. My heart was saying what an honor Jesus to lay any and every achievement or accomplishment at your feet…I know with great conviction that everything good in my life is a result of the moment you first touched it. …and then as He spoke to my heart the revelation came…He was saying you know what is even more precious to me? …it’s when my children give me the things hidden…things where shame is there ready condemn if scarcely revealed. It’s a selfless act of faith and abandoned trust in the Lord to give him the not so pretty things in our hearts. For me I’ve been dealing with patience with my children…I home school (which I love!)… but we are together all day…there is nonstop talking to me and touching me happening. When I’m short with my children…I can just beat myself up about it…I feel like it’s just so ugly inside. I could make a million excuses for being short and any mother would understand…but I am just so desperate for GOD to touch it! Just then a picture popped up in my head a large pair of white classic hanes granny panties. Nobody truly wants to admit they have ever worn these and would be mortified if ever the band that clearly says hanes crept over the waistband of their jeans. Come on… you know it’s true. Many a mother tried to convince me after I had my babies that these were the most comfortable option for panties. They hold in all the extra weight and water retention…well for me my torso is so short I might as well have tucked them under my bra. I thought alright Lord… i’ll give you my granny panties filled with the impatience I deal with and lay them at your feet. I know a couple of you will know just how difficult it was for me to type out the words granny panties…but the encouragement the Lord gives is just so precious…He turns our ashes into beauty…He loves our shame more than our glories.

So Diva Sista’s and God lovers let God have your granny panties…I’ll stand next to you as we raise our granny panties as banners in full abandon to the Lord…asking Him to touch those things in our hearts only He can!

..Stay tuned for another episode of deep thoughts with Marissa Star…HA!

Rocking my granny panties,

~Ris

I don’t even know how to start this blog! It’s kinda been a crazy season of God calling me out of the comfort of my nest, a nest hidden away on a cliff (and in my heart I could fill the stirring that He was asking me take up things I had buried)…well…He initially was calling and then He eventually just pushed me out…out into the open air of uncertainty. I can almost imagine Him say to the Holy Spirit…let’s see if she’s gonna fly …what’s the worse thing that can happen…SPLAT!!!!

So…my cousin asked me to do “a something” for the upcoming Gateway women’s conference. “a something” meaning some kind of dramatic snack for the women coming to the conference…something that would help them laugh and take a deep breath in of full acceptance of themselves and open up their hearts to all that God wanted to do there. When she initially called…I was like okay God if you want me to do it I’ll do it…but, I’m totally freaked out…it’s been a LONG time…a long time since I’ve acted. For those that know me…know I ACT every day…but, this was the formal kind…like for an audience…AHHHHHHhhhh! It was like going back to an old childhood home and deciding to visit an old friend. You get to the door and as you approach closer..it feels familiar…but, different…at least for me. In the past this pathway was filled with confidence as I had honed in on my craft and felt capable…but, twelve years and four kids later…I was feeling insecure. The old friend was theater, drama, the arts whatever you want to call it. As I see the door in my mind…I remember this friendship it was full of passion…but, then I begin to see clearer…oh…I can remember the pain. I can see myself the first time I visited this house, walking in to find every kind of costume, hats, props, and the ohhh the make-up. At that time in my life I struggled to find my place in my family after my Mom remarried…I had looked to friends and boyfriends to create a kinda suedo family. Then I had even looked to drugs. I was intrigued, overwhelmed and in-love all wrapped up into one grand experience of emotion as I tried on all the elaborate costumes and lost myself in the make-up. Could I really dress up and read lines and in way live a pretend persons life? Wow…It didn’t take long for me to discover that I liked their lives better than mine. This hobby of acting and performance afforded me the opportunity to live someone else’s life… even if for a fleeting moment.

I want to say most people have “a place” they draw from when operating in the arts whether that is a happy healthy creative place or place of pain… which obviously depends on the life experience of the person. For me I was in eighth grade when I wrote my first poem…aka…a desperate plea for help. Well… there were tons to follow; needless to say my creativity was from a place of pain. So when Jesus apprehended my heart when I was eighteen….it was a journey, but He began healing my heart. I did some “say no to drugs” skits in several high schools while I was in Teen Challenge. We did secular campaigns against drugs in local schools. But it wasn’t until I went to Bible College when I would try my hand at spiritually meaningful drama for ministry. I joined a drama group at the college…we were each given material to learn. The leader had given me a monologue about a woman that struggled with her relationship with her heavenly father based on her relationship with her earthly father in which there was an emotional outburst followed by a breakthrough at the end. This type of drama for ministry was a whole new ball game for me….can we say insecure…can we say fear. Ya…the weight of this being a channel God would use…(through us)… to reach the hearts of men…it overwhelmed and confounded me! I tried to reach down into “the place” to get the emotion and inspiration that I had gathered there before and found nothing but mush. My heart was mush…it wasn’t the hard heart calloused by sin…it was a soft mushy heart transformed by God’s love. I was going to have to learn a new way of acting. In the beginning I felt naked and uncomfortable, but God met me. I traveled with the group for a year going to churches and events using drama to minister. Then I took a job on campus that didn’t afford me the electives I had been a part of the year before. During this time I also met Yuri.. now my husband. Life got busy…I graduated…I got married…and somewhere in all of that I laid the talent down…I venture to say I even buried it. Heck..I’ll say it…I live in “brutally honest land”… I may accessorize with frosting and sprinkles, but truly I still live in “brutally honest land”. To be completely honest (smiles)… it wasn’t that hard to bury. It was difficult to portray authenticity of heart and also be in character. Granted I am talking about drama…but, to me comedy was just as difficult.

Years went by and these experiences became foggy memories. When Yuri would brag on my accomplishments in the arts. I would in embarrassment look to the side and think…that was another time and another place. I didn’t remotely feel related to that person. So here we are…I’ve had four boys and ALL that entails. I haven’t memorized a line in eleven years and I get this call from my cousin about doing this little “something”. It’s funny how God works. In the last year I was sensing God’s destiny stirring on the inside of me. Destiny is a broad word…so I want to say it like this…every woman is called by her creator to greatness in Him…all our greatnesses vary as we are all gifted differently. Knowing Jesus like I do..He is probably putting His finger on your giftedness right now and as He begins to talk to you about your destiny…embrace it! For some of us…it’s so scary…I know it…but He equipped and gifted us in our mother’s womb…we were made for this moment… to fulfill our purpose in Him. My first dream when I got saved was to be married and be a Mom…I would think…man some people want to be astronauts…and I want to be a mom. Now I know that there is all kinds of greatness wrapped up in whatever it is He has called each one of us to be and do….we just need to do it! To not be a afraid of what others might think…God once told Yuri and me that our destiny was bigger than the opinions of those around us…it really set us free. It helped us get a God of the Universe perspective and not be paralyzed by the fear of man. I know I’m rambling…but if you get anything out of this I want you to get that your called to greatness, He has equipped you with the giftings to fulfill your call and destiny in him whatever that is. I am not saying that I am the next super drama star…not at all…I just overcame something huge and I know that we all can. I posted a video of my performance on youtube so you can see what I’m talking about. And again I am not trying to give myself props…just share the work that God did in my heart that got me to the place that I could even do it. I love you ALL!

With a GREAT kinda love,
RIS