A Yuri and Ris story.

My husband and I were talking in the bathroom getting ready for bed and I realized we were approaching a conversation we had never had before. I couldn’t believe it… after almost ten years of marriage we had never talked about this one memory probably because it was only mine since he wasn’t there (um..duh) …but this would be the first time I told him about it entirely. Just a little history…. Yuri and I met in Bible College. I sometimes feel like I barely got there…I was living on a missionary ship and they told me that I was already in the ministry; I didn’t need to go to bible college to be in the ministry. In my heart I knew I would never be a leader…I would always be a follower if I didn’t go…and I knew it… I had to go. So in August 1996 my Mom and Grandma flew me out to Dallas, Texas to go to Christ For The Nations Bible College. It was like record high hot outside…coming from San Diego California I was in for definite culture shock. I felt like the heat and humidity were attacking my face…why…why even wear make-up if it’s going to drip off my face as if I were a glamorous lady of wrestling. Well to say the least I invested in some pretty darn good deodorant with antiperspirant. Anyway, I get settled in my room and it’s still early Sunday morning and my Grandma is persistent that we need to find a church to go to. So we drive around the area and… um… this is south Dallas. AKA “the hood.” We find a small church named, “Word of Knowledge Pentecostal”, and lo’ and behold the service started in five minutes…so it’s the winner. It’s a small gospel church and the entire congregation gets up and greets us. There was a few amazing things that happened in this service that I might share in others stories but, for this one I must fast forward to the end of the service…they are singing and giving testimonies when the Pastor of the church calls me to the front to pray for me. He lays his hands on my head and says these things, “I brought you here to this spacious place to set you apart…the one you are with right now is not the one, but in a little while I will give you a husband, not a boyfriend… a husband.” Wowzers. So I left out the part that I still had a boyfriend on the ship, hmm…well I did and it wasn’t a brilliant relationship. So we get back to the hotel room where my Grandma and Mom were staying and I quietly lock myself in the bathroom with the telephone and a phone card. I called this guy and we broke up…nothing poetic…just goodbye, it was never meant to be…and, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of our lives in two different directions for forever. I remember just a couple of tears…no heavy crying…and a real sense of this is it…I’m never going back home…this is the beginning of a journey unknown…I’m nervous…but, I’m not scared…because GOD is in THIS! So, I meet my roommates…their amazing! They’re all from Texas and talk really slow and of course I’m from California and I talk really fast and they’re like slow down and I’m like speed up…and our combination made for some really amazing times! First day of College starts and I am gun ho…I’m like what ever you want me to do God…I WILL do it! I am here for Jesus camp not the dating game. I am here for you…I need to be changed…I want to be changed…don’t leave me to myself because I will surely parish if left to my own ways. I would go to the altar for prayer almost every time… just in case He wanted to do something and I didn’t know it yet. Those were some extraordinary days in my life…the opportunity to worship God every morning with incredible worship in chapel…every morning making the choice to either embrace His presence or stand a far off. And, well everyday this is our choice isn’t? …no matter where we are in life. Hmmm. We meet…. I’ll have to say…I wasn’t the first to notice him. One of my roommates thought the way he worshiped was really cool…he was a jumper…his jumping almost looked like a dolphin when it jumps out of the water and it’s body curves to the side. Well after chapel the same roommate talked to him and found out it was his birthday…got his number and said she and her roommates would call with a special birthday song. So… not the songwriter myself… but, I did live with some brilliant minds and they came up with a nice lounge song melody to leave on his answer machine celebrating his birthday. Something like…this song is for Yuri as in Erie Lake and Star as in Ringo Starr…we wrote you this little original ditty back in 76′…it goes a little something like this…. Of course I can’t remember the rest of it. Sorry. I thought nothing of this little happening, as I had not met this praise and worship jumper this Yuri Star. The day I actually met him and talked to him he was being fed dinner in front of another girls apartment, (that may seem funny, but we couldn’t let the boys come in…it was against the RULES!), and I had just gone walking around the track and had been praying…fully inspired…when we began to talk… it was all about God and what He was doing. We then talked about our classes, our roommates, and my fish Shubooboo….oh my goodness my fish…I had to show him my fish. The poor thing was having a panic attack or something…I’ve never seen gills open so wide. He ran to the guys dorm to get a clean glass tea container to transfer the fish to so we could add the chemicals to give the water the right ph balance. Charming…it was the first charming thing he did…he tried to save my fish. We began to sit next to each other in classes and we would talk on the phone a little. Then all of a sudden if his arm would get too close to mine, my arm it would feel all warm and tingly. If we stood too close to each other I would feel like the shocks you get from static cling. What was this? I started to get upset…I’m here for Jesus camp…not the dating game….remember! It was evident in my heart and mind I was starting to “like” him. So I came home from classes when no one was around and laid prostrate on the ground and began to talk to the Lord…,”Hello…Jesus….I like “like” this guy what is up with that…I need you to help me out because I don’t want another broken relationship in my life. I’m done! I just want who you want for me…so if he is not the one just tell me and I won’t talk to him again. I’m serious…I’m not flirting with the devil…I want your destiny for me…I will not be derailed! So….yes….or ummm…no. Okay, am I hearing a no?” I tried to listen as hard as I could…I would say “no” on purpose in my mind and somewhere in the background like a peaceful whisper I was hearing yes. In the past I could hear “no” really well…but, could I actually be hearing yes? What do I do now…these are not things you tell people unless you are just Christian crazy…you cherish them in your heart and you wait…so I waited. There are more stories of how it lead up to him saying…”You are the only one that holds that special place in my heart.” Interpretation…for lack of being forward…,”You are my girlfriend now.” But those stories are for another time and all these little stories are just a snack for the REAL story to come. Yes… there were fireworks. Yes…the room disappeared when we would look in each other eyes. Yes… everyone said they wanted to throw up in our presence. All which left me in amazement since I had given up on fireworks and the such by my junior year in high school. Surely this would wear off. …and with every new difficult situation we had to face as a couple we would see clearly a new fault we hadn’t seen before and we encountered disappointment as we began to see a clearer picture of two flawed people loving God…but, flawed none the less. We came from two difficult pasts and were still fighting for healing in every part of our person. Sometimes our hurts would fight and slowly God was slipping from his rightful place in our priorities as we tried to fix each other instead of letting God be the miracle man that He is. And after a year and a half… God separated us! Like two little children in need of love and some good ol’ discipline. I say yes to love and I say yes to discipline because it is love. I don’t say this flippantly…He separated us! I thought I was going to die as dramatic as it seems…I was broken hearted…my dreams (the dreams I had made up for us) were shattered. And what about what God had spoken to me. I began to question…is what I think is the voice of God really the voice of God? I spent many mornings laying prostrate on the floor in the middle of the living room crying mascara stains into the carpet as my roommates stepped over me on their way to classes. With all the strength I had I threw myself on God. He was the only one that saw my heart, could touch my pain and disappointment. He was my Daddy, He was my Savior, and with every moment in that day He was my next breath. The part we had never talked about! In those days when I was recovering from the loss of what I thought was my future love and destiny…I also struggled with all emotions common to humanity. When I thought of the last conversations we had…the hurtful words spoken, I would get angry…really…really…angry. Now, I know that anger is just hurt turned inward and unforgiving. I would read Matthew chapter 5 in the Bible in the beatitudes where it talks about blessing those who curse you. (In context it talks about for Jesus sake…but it is a universal principle nonetheless.) I would think….well, Lord he was a jerk and you really need to deal with him and show him just what a jerk he was to say those things to me. I really think you should give him an eye opener…just in case you wanted my advice…. I thought I’d give it. Ya …no…God said, “bless him! “Bless every thing his hand touches. I quickly retorted, “He already walks in crazy favor anyway…do you really need me to bless him?” “No…it’s more for you…you need to bless him…because it changes YOU!”, God responded. The first time was really difficult I could barely get the words out…I thought I was going to dry heave. Every time I thought about these things, anger was always there ready to have dominion…but, instead I blessed him and with each time it became easier until it was second nature. That was the first two months we were broken up. I eventually got up off the floor engaged with the Holy Spirit…it often takes the most difficult times in our lives to learn to dance again. I call moving with the spirit dancing because it’s all about staying in step…staying close…holding tight…and letting Him lead…the music is His and the lyrics are written in our lives…it’s the tale of our destiny. Embrace destiny…embrace the dance! In that day I did what I could I embraced purpose. I went to Argentina to minister at a youth conference. I went to India for three weeks on a mission’s trip. I went to witness at Mardi Gra in New Orleans. I just went for it…whatever God put on my heart I did it. Every once in awhile I would think of him. I would think and wonder what he was doing in life. The sting was gone and I hoped he would become all the man God wanted him to be and in kind hearted way I blessed him. All hope that the future held a “we” had died. Two seasons had pasted and when I saw him it was less awkward for others and myself, we had a lot of friends together. We saw each other every weekend at church… golly, he led the worship. There’s no escaping the person in front of you…leading you into the presence of God. Then the day came when there was a person in the church that had started talking to me….the I might like you kind of talking. So I decided to tell “him” before someone else did as not to add to the awkwardness. He asked if we could go for a ride and I said yes. It was quiet. I’m usually a nervous talker but this time I said nothing. Then all of a sudden we start to gain speed in the car and he takes the next off ramp and makes a U-turn and pulls over under an overpass. Kind of dramatic..I know. I look at him…like what is going to happen next and he begins to cry…um…like cry really hard. He says that God told him “it” (our relationship) had to die before it could live again and that he never stopped loving me. I leaned over and held him while he cried. You think I would have started crying…but, I had already cried for two straight weeks at the beginning. He had never cried….until now. He asked me back and we got married six months later. (lots of details omitted) I had never told him about how I had blessed him, almost everyday through the most difficult time of healing from the break up. I blessed his relationship with the Lord, his friendships, his money, his job, everything he touched…you name it if I could bless it…I did! The ironic and really cool God thing about this WHOLE long semi-drawn out story is…. I blessed my life everyday and I didn’t know it…I blessed the man that would become my husband…the father of my children…the man that holds my hands up to God when I am too weak with discouragement to see the horizon of His faithfulness. There is power in blessing! There is power in obedience to God even when it hurts….A LOT! I get in this mood to write…the house is quiet and still….everyone is asleep and it’s therapeutic. If you made it this far…well…wow! I love to tell stories…this one just happens to be one of my favorites. With the GREATEST kind of Love, RIS

He is Jealous for me! My heart explodes!

There are not words for how this song ministered to my heart tonight! His presence was like rain drops on my heart as I was moved by his love and how He helps us find just what we need right when we need it!!This is it…the passion of my heart…it’s Jesus alone…I get it…I would have nothing that I have without Christ’s intervention. I know who I was before His love and I was a dying little girl on drugs and in dark pain. One moment in His presence changed my history and created a lifetime. He was always loving me and then I loved Him back!

Please…I hope His love finds you and touches you as you watch this song.

I had to share….I love you!

Ris

The Lord is my portion… It’s a long one… but I think it’s worth it!

Okay…so at the beginning of Jan. I fasted all caffeine for 21 one days because I wanted to give the first of the year to the Lord…as I examined my heart to see what sufficient sacrifice I could give to the Lord…it was clear that my daily energy drink and triple shot americano would be a doozy! I knew clear well it would be a week of migraines and moodiness…I could of weaned myself…ya, but that would have been too easy. I pretty much locked myself in my house…peeling myself off the floor (okay..thats dramatic) it was more like off my bed and the coach to home school my oldest and get the older two to gymnastics. I rarely called my friends as not to unleash all the complaining and grumbling that was pent up in side of me as the toxins were not only being released and cleared from my body…they would have come out my mouth (not to say there were not moments). But, over all I desperately wanted to cheerfully give this gift to the Lord. Before the fast the Lord had begun to talk to me about my affections and where I placed my affections. All that know me well know… I loooove me sum coffee…addicted not only to the caffiene… but the cup…the entire ritual of slowly sipping coffee all morning. I really believe there is no problem in that…the problem for me was that somewhere deep inside I had believed a lie…and the lie being that I could not get up and have enough energy to take care of my four boys unless I had an energy drink or coffee…which obvious to me revealed in my heart that the Lord was not enough or sufficient. The affection I placed in coffee was not balanced with truth. Jesus is enough and His grace is sufficient. The lord began speaking to me… saying I am your portion. People would ask me how I was doing and I would say things to the effect, “five days off “the caffeine”,and the Lord is my portion.” Whenever I was tempted or struggled I would say to myself “The Lord is my portion”, and although this comforted me the revelation is was not yet complete. The 21 days have come and gone and I have had both coffee and energy drinks sometimes every other day…some days back to back. I have guarded my heart against the lie that I need anything but Him to conquer the daily activities of life in a house of four boys. A place where I have to not only balance the responsibilities of keeping house but also the weighty responsibilities of educating our boys both in academics and godly character. I have to admit even without caffeine I get tired…but, I’m learning this greater dependance on God and His faithfulness compels me on to see fruit in this area of my life. Last weekend during the worship service at church the Lord asked me to do a study on what God means when He says,”I am your portion.” I ran across this writing from Octavius Winslow in 1870, It was poignant to me and I wanted to share. It encouraged me and I’m slowly getting it at deeper levels what David meant when he cried out to God in Ps.16:5-6, ” Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is none upon earth that I desire beside you. My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Hope you enjoy!

THE LORD MY PORTION

“The Lord is my portion, says my soul; therefore I will hope in Him.” Lam. 3:24

It is our great privilege, beloved, that we live in a portionless world. This is both our distinctive badge and our Christian charter. When God parceled out the land of Canaan among the tribes of Israel, He made an exception in the tribe of Levi, to whom He said, “You shall have no inheritance in the land, neither shall you have any part among them;” assigning as His reason, “I am your share and your inheritance.” The gospel teaching of this is obvious and significant. As the Lord’s true priesthood, this world is not our portion, nor earth our rest. It may have required some painful discipline, and no small measure of faith, on the part of the devout Levite, as he gazed upon the fertile meadows, the watered plains, and the vine-clad hills of the Promised Land, before he was made willing to relinquish it all for Him who is invisible–and it needs no little teaching and discipline of our God, and no little faith on our part, before we are led to give up the world, the creature, self, and all, for Christ–satisfied to have the Lord alone as our Portion, and heaven only as our inheritance.

But the Lord will not put His people off with anything unworthy of Him to give, or them to accept. He has set them apart for Himself, and Himself apart for them. “All believers are the Lord’s CLERGY; and as they are His portion, so He is theirs.” (Leighton.) “The Lord’s portion is His people, Israel is the lot of His inheritance.” “The Lord is my portion, says my soul.” His love to us was so great, that when He could give no greater proof of that love, He gave HIMSELF. Nothing more could have expressed the yearnings of His heart, nothing less could have satisfied the desires of ours.

And oh, what a Portion is God! All that He is and all that He has is ours! Every attribute of His being is over us, every perfection of His nature encircles us, every pulse of His heart beats for us, every glance of His eye smiles upon us. We dwell in God, and God dwells in us. It is not the world which is our portion, but HE who made, upholds and governs the world. It is not the creature who is our portion, but the Lord of angels and the Creator of men. Infinite portion! illimitable power! immeasurable grace! boundless love! all-satisfying good! all, all is ours!

And what a Portion, O my soul, is Christ! A divine Christ, a redeeming Christ, a full Christ, a sympathizing, ever-present, ever-precious, ever-loving Christ.

‘Lord, I bless You for the discipline that brought me to realize what a divine, all-satisfying Portion I have in Yourself. You took from me an earthly portion, only to enrich me with a Heavenly one. You removed from me the human prop upon which I too fondly and idolatrously leaned, that I might learn what Christ was, as my soul’s all-sufficient, all-satisfying, and everlasting Portion. I can now admire the wisdom and adore the love that blasted my gourds and emptied me from vessel to vessel, that, rising superior to the broken staff, the drooping flower, and the failing spring of creature good, I might claim my portion as a true spiritual Levite in Yourself alone.’

Believer in Jesus! make the most of your portion. It is all-sufficient for all your need. God has, perhaps, made you poor in this world, that you might be rich in faith and an heir of that kingdom of glory, the New Jerusalem, He has prepared for you–whose foundations are precious stones, whose walls are jasper, whose gates are pearls, whose streets are pure gold, and through which softly flows the river of the water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding out of the throne of God and the Lamb, in the midst of the street of it, and on either side of the river is the tree of life, bearing twelve manner of fruit, and yielding her fruit every month. All this awaits you! Hope in the Lord, hope in adversity, hope in trial, hope against hope, for God in Christ is your present and eternal Portion. “The Lord is my Portion, says my soul; therefore I will HOPE in Him.”