My Reflections of Motherhood

I remember the moment they handed me my (now oldest) son right after he was born, I laid him on my chest, so he could hear the familiarity of my heartbeat. I stared into his eyes and ran my fingers along his head over and over again. It’s like I could almost feel my heart grow to accommodate this new love that flooded into it. I looked at this innocent little life and wanted to give it everything I never had and protect it from everything that ever hurt me. I based this array of emotion and thought on my life experiences not knowing the unique journey that lay ahead of him, one with it’s own unique challenges that would never quite meet mine. It’s funny how we do that, try to protect others from what has hurt us. It’s not always easy to see in the moment, a little easier to see in retrospect.

No one told me being a Mother would be so intense from the delivery to the recovery not to mention sleepless nights, nursing, and hormones. I’d do it again and again without regret when I look into the faces of my four little men. Each one of them is so different in there expression of us as parents and in their innate expression of their God given personalities. I revel daily in some new facet about them. They keep me on my toes, they test my character, they sharpen my intellect, they broaden my scope of emotions … they’ve made me better.

There have been good days when they get what I’ve taught them and actually obey and then there are the days when I want to turn the light out in my closet and hide. There are victories and disappointments. There is sadness (like when your holding a young one with a fever) and there is joy (when you surprisingly are so excited to see a five year old graduate kindergarten). There are tears and there is dancing. There is learning to be “big” while teaching them to enjoy being small. There are capturing moments and fleeting moments … each one a gift.

It’s hard to summarize the emotions and life lessons of being a Mother into the confines of words and especially for me there’s just not enough of them. My heart is full this year of gratefulness for this moment. I love my memories of yesterday and I’m not going to rush tomorrow. I want to live with my children knowing my “I love you” is for today and there will be a fresh one for tomorrow.  I want to stop protecting them from my fears brought on by my past. I want to free them to their own journey not being held back by mine … all with the Holy Spirit’s help of course.  I’m sure they will experience hurt feelings and pain. I’m so honored to have the opportunity to hold them when they fall with a big fat Mama hug and probably some tears in my eyes. Because well that’s just life … it’s not without it’s scrapes.

It’s not until you become a Mom you fully appreciate your own Mom … so here’s a little something for mine:

For My Mom on Mother’s Day

Thank you for rocking me to sleep when I had earaches

Thank you for kissing boo-boos

Thank you for every Princess Cake

Thank you for every packed lunch

Thank you for every school project you HAD to do!

Thank you for my first pair of Guess jeans I had to have.

Thank you for summer camp

Thank you for believing in me when I was scared

Thank you for every trip to Disneyland

Thank you for coming to all my plays

Thank you for never giving up

Thank you for your prayers and tears when you thought you lost me

Thank you for searching for me

Thank you for finding me

Thank you for tough love

Thank you for believing the best

Thank you for never giving up

Thank you for being at my wedding

Thank you for being there when I had babies

Thank you for every call you’ve taken when I’m crying because my babies are sick

Thank you for being the best Grandma EVER!

Thank you for your LOVE … your unconditional LOVE!

With Great Love and a Happy Mother’s Day to ALL!!!

~Ris

You are BEAUTIFUL!

A poem written from God’s heart to yours … what ever your going through … whatever you’ve been through He longs for you to hear : YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

On the days when nothing goes right and you feel in the deepest of funks … just stop a moment and incline your ear … Jesus has something to say:

When you’ve been up all night with your newborn. Your hormones are raging … you can’t find the truth. Sleep is fleeting but the tears are coming. Your moments and body don’t feel like your own. He is stopping time … He wants you to hear:

Your feet on the scale, the numbers try to define you, but you’re better than that. He died for you to hear this truth …

You gave your best … but he still left.  You feel like the world is watching and judging but they can’t perceive your pain. Open your eyes and see what He has to say:

Holding your stomach … it’s the first kick of the life growing inside you. You wish you could be happier but your just seventeen and your future is unsure. Everyone has their opinions … but you must hear His:

It’s a juggle and a struggle raising children on your own. You question your ability  … the heavy weight of responsibility.  He is holding out His hand while whispering:

Your not so young and your wondering … why the wait is so long … why hasn’t Mister Right come along. You see friend after friend get married and you begin to question your worth … the question of “why” makes your heart grow numb. Lay that down for moment just hear The Prince say:

You’ve waited and waited till you feel like you can’t wait anymore. You’ve peed on stick after stick in hope of new life. The feeling of longing doesn’t always feel pretty … He opens His arms and in embracing He speaks to your heart:

You’ve been hurt by their lies and gossip has attacked you. You stand under scrutiny and yet you hold your head high. Everything inside feels ugly … close your eyes and listen to your Savior say:

Sometimes you just feel destiny stirring round and round inside you. Dreams being dreamt that are bigger than you. Is it possible … could it be true! Fear of people and fear of the unknown try to grab you, but simply believe what He has told you!

THE END!

Carrying you always in my heart as we find Him together …

and with GREAT Love,

~ Ris Star

The Great Romance

A poem I wrote called: The Great Romance

I felt that feeling
… Again …
It’s your presence
Drawing me
Into our
GREAT ROMANCE

Just turning
I get lost
In Your stare

It’s a wonder
How You do that
It’s a secret
MYSTERY

How my heart
Can melt
So fast
In your arms
Unfailing LOVE

Like a blanket
OVERWHELMING
All of me

To many years
Lied to

I didn’t
know

It seems
Unfair

That life
In YOU
A divine
LOVE AFFAIR

A perfect
DANCE

In your arms
I become
The perfect
PARTNER

We complete
Your plan
Reunited in true
DEVOTION

In Your sacrifice
Of LOVE
Our hearts
become your
PERFECTION

In Your strength
I lose my
Weaknesses

The pain
You suffered
In LOVE
For your
BELOVED

Envelops the wounds
Of my pain
Into a redemption
Of true
JOY!

Your fearless
In receiving
The gifts of
My fears
Being Surrendered
To LOVE

You unlocked
The blinders
Finally I can
SEE
The masterpiece
You created
ME

Embracing the
BEAUTY
You see
The reflection
Of YOU
Shining
On ME

Your everlasting
LOVE
Has made me
A place
Decked out
In perfect
PEACE

A haven ~ my refuge
A closet ~ my heart … our secret meeting place
A fountain ~ my soul’s retreat

Filled with
LOVE
To share
YOUR LOVE

Making life in
GOD
Attractive

Come one …
Come all …

See His
HANDS
In waltz
Extended

A grand
ROMANCE
Is Beckoning

HIS VOICE

is whispering

It’s time
To join
THE DANCE

This poem is dedicated to the one who gives me life and SAVES me daily!

~Ris