No More Apologies

Today’s post, “No More Apologies,” can be found on Destiny in Bloom for the next couple days (May 31st and June 1st) come on over and leave me some love

Great Love,

~Ris

Learning To Love Easter

I have always LOVED Christmas! Yes … I know it’s Easter and I LOVE Easter too! But the truth is I can’t separate the two. I Love to celebrate when He was born, when He died, and, when He conquered the grave (as pertains to me and this humble little life)! My friend Mary Beth once wrote, “I can’t look at the manger without seeing the cross!” I totally get that, how all history was interrupted at the birth of “God with us.” Like I said I have always loved Christmas, and now I love Easter. But it has not always been that way.

When I was growing up we were “Sunday Christians.” I would dread Easter morning when we would have to dress up, go to church, and hear the same ol’ Easter story about how Jesus died for us (in my cute ruffled socks and paten leather shoes). I would listen to the preacher teach how I should accept Jesus if I didn’t want to go to hell. Seriously when you are offered heaven or hell, it’s kind of a no brainer, Umm heaven please. It wasn’t until after I graduated high school I had a true salvation experience in which I surrendered my heart and life to the lordship of Jesus that I understood what really happened at the cross. This time instead of choosing heaven or hell, it was about choosing Jesus. All my other salvation experiences were always motivated by the fear of hell. I would say the prayer … again … hoping it would erase every bad thing I had done between then and the last time I had said the prayer, yet not really willing to make any lasting changes.

Well, this weekend is Easter and I’m back in a my reflective mode. I’ve bought all my children’s Easter baskets and my heart is full of wanting them to really get it … why we celebrate Easter. That in the beginning on the sixth day, God created humanity, He could have made some perfect being that was programmed to love without the ability to choose love. Instead He created us with choice and personality. Then sin came into the picture and daily it was like humanity’s heart grew further and further away from its creator. I often wonder if sometimes God didn’t fully understand us even though He created us. Humans die … God will never die. To put it plainly God and humans are different. Men have unsuccessfully tried to be God and failed, yet God successful became man. It’s crazy that all the pain we experience in our humanity he experienced to understand us, to ultimately redeem us from death (albeit for eternity but, I would venture to say even in our everyday life). My good friend and I were talking and she showed me that Jesus didn’t go around telling people with words “I love you” (He has never been quoted telling the disciples the phrase “I love you”) but, he showed love through His actions and obviously His greatest action of laying down His life for us. 
I now think of heaven as a bonus instead of an alternate to hell. I think about how it will feel to see Jesus face to face, and worship with the multitudes before God’s throne. Finally my heart is looking forward to it.

Right now, after 16 years of choosing Him daily, what I’ve come to understand is that because of what Jesus did, I’m made right with God. I’m hidden in Jesus, God doesn’t see me anymore (in all my imperfections) He just sees Jesus. His Holy Spirit gives me the strength to be the best me I can be. I know that I love to hear His voice everyday. At this point in the journey, I don’t think I could live without His voice. I KNOW who I was without Him and I am ever aware that without Jesus I would have nothing I have. First of all, life and friendship with God’s precious Holy Spirit with all the benefits of His divine instruction and guidance, grace, wisdom, mercy … seriously this could go on and on. Second my husband (whose love for me always rocks my world) and my four sons who are such gifts to our lives. I totally get this is an easy revelation for an ex-drug addict but He also died for the “good” people that haven’t struggled with outwardly bad actions. But, in our hearts we ALL have a sin nature we struggle with and freedom and salvation are equal to those who have sinned much and those who sin little. Death was an inevitable consequence to all levels of sin. I truly believe that repentance and the receiving of forgiveness have the same impact for both.

So, I love Easter because He died for me, even in my worst sin His actions have always said to me I LOVE YOU!

I’m not in my worst sin now, but sometimes I have a really bad day home schooling. I have become frustrated with my kids and I want to beat myself up for it. I have times when I get defensive with my husband and inside I feel like I fail who I want to be. In every bad day Easter represents HE LOVES ME!!! He talks to me and helps me become the person I want to be even when I fail and that’s HUGE! I’m okay with people knowing that I’m not perfect. It’s way too much pressure and well, He never asked me to be perfect. He just asked me to rest in Him, the only ONE who truly IS perfect. In that place of rest no matter which direction I look, it all looks like freedom. I’m grateful and in awe of His mercy. It’s at the foot of the cross I’ve fallen in love with Jesus and all that He is to me!  It has made me LOVE Easter and come to know what it truly means to celebrate the cross!

Lord,

We all have amazing stories of ALL you have done for us … all starting with the cross you bore. We are so grateful you were born into humanity and that you really know us … like really know us. You have felt all the feelings that we have felt to identify with us and yet You didn’t stop there, You lived this life out without sin so you could ransom us from ours. That kind of selfless love blows my mind, how could we not be totally humbled by it. Give us greater revelation this Easter of all that Your love has accomplished for us and what it wants to continue to accomplish in us. We gratefully thank you and revel in All you’ve done for us this Easter! We love you!

Amen!

With the Greatest Love!,

~ Ris

You can also see this at: Destiny in Bloom

Living Life Hands Wide Open

Control Freak. Those words either resonate with you or they don’t. And of course there are various levels to the madness in which control can manifest in a person’s life.  It’s a sneaky little fella that’s for sure. Dressed up and disguised as just wanting to do the right thing … kind of trying to make others do it too  Sometimes disguised as good goals until they feel like they are going to kill you. Other times being driven and not driving this life we live. Some people want to control their weight, for some their environment (everything being perfectly in order to feel in order), others controlling situations so others can’t hurt them. For me it was wrapped up in love … I could even put a pretty bow on it and call it passion, probably even convince you of it.

When the Lord began shining the beacon light of His truth on this little culprit at work in my heart, exposing the places it had tainted with it’s lies, he used this memory to show me something about myself and reveal His truth.

A couple weeks after I gave my life to Jesus while living with my Aunt and Uncle I got a kitten. Oh my goodness the cutest little black and white kitten I’ve ever seen. I went with my Aunt and cousins to pick a kitten out of litter of kittens born on a nearby farm. I told my Aunt I wanted a cow-cat (a cat that is black and white like a cow), she knew I needed something to love and went and found them for me. I spotted the one I wanted right away and crawled under this old tracter and pulled the little guy out by his tail. I was at a place in my life where I felt all alone and somehow that loneliness disappeared in the companionship of that adorable kitten. I loved that kitten and he loved me. I named that cute little cow-cat “Dude”. I would walk into the room and say, “What up Dude?” and he would strut his stuff right over to me. I loved that kitten so much that I would start petting him and holding him so tight that he would start yelping in high pitch sounds. I loved him so much that I would literally hurt him with all my love. I couldn’t help it, I would just squeeze his little body so tight. If I could tuck him inside me I would. I just couldn’t get him close enough to me.

A few years later while in Bible College, my boyfriend (husband to be) and I broke up after dating for a year and a half. I was devastated. It was my first real Christian relationship and I put so much pressure on it to be perfect. I would get so hurt when it wasn’t. Just like that kitten I would squeeze so tight, I loved too hard that I was actually pushing the one I loved away. I tried controlling our relationship so I wouldn’t get hurt. I served the fear of being hurt until the very thing I feared the most came upon me. When we broke up we both walked away with very little hope we would ever get back together. I was crushed, having thought I heard God and holding broken dreams of the future in my hands.

I remember laying flat on the floor in my apartment crying mascara stains into the carpet, crying out to God to heal my broken heart. He showed me my heart and it had three thorns in it. He said if I would let Him pull the thorns, they would bleed and hurt initially (we had to go back to some hurtful memories growing up) but then they would fully heal. I would face the fear head on with God and on purpose feel pain instead of devising plans and controlling people so I would never have to control situations again. One by one God and I revisited memories, dealt with pain and the fears that hindered me from giving and receiving love in freedom.  The Lord sent me to India, Argentina, and New Orleans on missions’ trips to serve Him with my whole heart and to share with others the same love I had received from Him. Six months after our break up Yuri and I got back to together and were married within six months. My husband told me how the Lord had told him the old had to die, so the new could live.  Eleven years later, I’m still thankful for the work that God did in our hearts during that time.

This year our church started off the year with a 21-day devotional called, “Let’s Go!,”  I started to read it and the Holy Spirit began speaking to my heart and His words shined like a beacon light again exposing where that little culprit of control had set up camp. He said, “For others this may be “Let’s Go!,” but for you this year is about, “Letting Go!”

We have four boys ranging from eight to three years old. I’ve home schooled the oldest two and kept all my boys really close to me, desiring with the entirety of my heart that they know and serve God their whole lives without having to experience things I went through.  So here’s this picture of me squeezing that poor little kitten again until it’s yelping for relief, except this time the Holy Spirit shows me it’s my children. The fear is that they won’t turn out to love God, they’ll make the same mistakes I made, they’ll hurt and I’ll have been the one that hurt them (that’s as real as it gets from this Mama’s heart.) I began to cry and repent asking the Lord to reveal His truth. Under all that I did well, hidden was a motivation of fear. I realized if I kept squeezing I was eventually going to produce the very thing I feared. I love that the Lord is faithful to put us right back on His track fueled with His truth when we are quick to repent.

The Holy Spirit began to talk to me about the hand posture of letting go, how it is the same open palm posture of giving, receiving, surrendering, praising, and worshiping. The hand posture of closed fists is associated with squeezing, clinching, fighting, striving …  all expressions of lack of trust. Even holding, as when I pull in one of my boys and hold them my hand runs flat across their back, we in openness give and receive love. Everything is open and nothing is closed. In my heart I wrote my children’s names on my hands and lifted them to the Lord.

I prayed, “Lord, I let go of my children and surrender them to you. I let go of trying to make them love you and know you in all my own strength. I let go of the false control I thought I had. I repent of serving fear and making it an idol in my heart making provision for it by not trusting you with them. I give them to you and receive your grace to steward these gifts that are yours. I praise you with them written on my hands in my heart worshipping You because in every way You are good! I partner with You to parent them, lead me by your wisdom for You know them better than I do. Teach me how to gain their hearts. You have always been faithful. Lord, I will trust You!” Amen!

For me it was my children, what area in your heart is the Lord shining His beacon light and exposing where control and fear have camped out? Sometimes it’s really scary to step out and trust the Lord especially because we like that feeling of “being in control.” But the truth is: if He is not in control, we were never really “in control.” Whatever it is I encourage you to let go! Shake those hands out, loosen up the grip, open up your hands and give all your pain as well as fear to the Lord and receive all the freedom he desires you to walk in.

I’ve decided to live my life hands wide open, I encourage you live like that with me!

With hands wide open and Great Love!

~ Ris

Quote from ~ NEMO (Disney/Pixar)

Crush: ‘Let us see what Squirt does flying solo.’

Crush: ‘The little dudes are just eggs. We leave ‘em on a beach to hatch… and then, coo-coo-cachoo, they find their way back to the big ol’ blue.’

Marlin: ‘All by themselves?’

Crush: ‘Yeah.’

Marlin: ‘But, dude, how do you know when they’re ready?’

Crush: ‘Well, you never really know. But when they know, you’ll know, you know?’

You can also see this post at: Destiny in Bloom