Killing Monsters: The Rejection Filter
Kristi Davis is a guest writer on my site today with her #killingmonsters blog.
I’ve seen some funny pictures floating around the social media world lately that show how the same situation looks through different people’s eyes. For example,
I can laugh at this one because I am a homeschool mom and have dealt with people’s perceptions of homeschool, every one of which is represented above! We all have filters, and see the same thing differently, because we ARE different. But some filters we’ve accumulated through life circumstances and bad past experiences end up clogging our perception of now based on what happened then. The dirt from our past distorts our vision, and robs us from seeing the fullness that is Today. Those are monster filters. And they are no laughing matter. We usually don’t even know we have them. Spiritually, we are blinded.
Enter my dirty filter: Rejection.
What the email said: “You appointment has been cancelled. Let me know if there is anything else I can help you with.”
A simple message, yet I was devastated. I had sought out help from my church with a very difficult situation, and that was it. After 18 months of trying, I had come to the “last resort” appointment, and now it was cancelled with no other options. What my Rejection Filter said: “They don’t really care. You’re too broken to fix. Not even your church can help you! Where is God now?”
And so I said: “They are giving up. I won’t ever ask them for anything again!” But what did God have to say about it? How did He see my email?
What God said: “A new spring season is dawning in your life. Rejection has left a winter inside of your heart that needs thawing, an icy layer trapping beautiful things from breaking through and blooming.”
As I read that email, one rejection event after another from my past came bubbling up out of the place I had so carefully tried to stuff them. I didn’t want to acknowledge that any of them were there, because I knew if I looked, I would also have to feel… hurt, anger, loss, sadness… Numbness had become my way of coping and escaping. But God knew that if I looked that I would no longer be numb. He wants me alive! He wants you alive! He wants us to see the ugly monsters because, if we do not face them, what chance have we at all of pulling out our swords and killing them? This email was His hand, reaching down and turning my head toward the truth. I had a monster that was talking all the time and tainting the view of my beautiful life, holding me captive in its lies. And God wanted to set me free.
As I re-ran each rejection episode in my mind… how I had seen them… I prayed through them all and chose to forgive the people involved, asking for God’s help to let each one go. I handed the situations over to Him, one by one, until every one was accounted for. What happened next surprised me. As I prayed, I saw a picture of Him giving them all right back.
“I don’t want them back!” I protested. “I laid them all at the foot of the cross! You sweep them neatly away, that’s how this thing works!” I told God, because He apparently needed a refresher course on Basic Christian Living.
He didn’t argue with me, but continued to hold out the situations to me in an offer to go deeper, to do a bigger thing. His soft smile and kind eyes reassured me, it was going to be ok. That I needed to do this. One by one, He showed me when and how to approach the people involved in these hurts. I knew I already had peace in my heart towards each person, so I moved forward without bitterness or unforgiveness. He wanted me to see these painful experiences… how they see them. And there was only one way to do that: risk more rejection. To face the very thing I was trying hard to run away from. This was truly a faith walk with God. It was time to take His hand, and my sword, and wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, and against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Time to kill the monster.
I stepped out with God and sent an email reply back. To my total shock, the person did not really even understand what I was asking, and before I could give clarification, they said: “We have three other people who would love to help you!” Wait a minute, that’s not rejection!
What God said in that moment: “I will never leave you nor forsake you. I am powerful enough even for this problem.” And the healing began.
For months I continued working through each of those painful rejection experiences, and the outcome was the same every time: there was no rejection! Misunderstandings, simple mistakes, busy schedules, and abandoned email addresses were to blame, but not one person had actually pushed me away. In fact, every one of them met me with a loving heart and open arms. Wow. My eyes were finally opened, and the only rejection I found was the cruddy filter I was peering through.
I am not afraid to face such things now, and I’m learning how to feel again. When new situations arise, I get to choose whose eyes I will look through, and I choose my Father’s eyes. When He sees me, what His hands have made, He says: I love her! I accept her! She is mine, and it is very good! I dare to believe that I am worth accepting. I dare you to believe it, too.
BY: Kristi Davis