For The Broken Hearted Mama

May
2011
08

posted by on Blog Entries

8 comments

I knew a broken hearted Mama once …

Because I am the one that broke her heart.

Mother’s day holds a very special place in my heart because my children have changed my life … in the precious moments and in the struggle of parenting … they make me better. I also have a Mom whose unconditional love and unwavering support over the years has taught me a lot about a love willing to endure all things, goes to great lengths to nurture and who with out judgment lends her ear to me on days of difficulty in my own journey of being a mother.

This is my story now, a women who is reflective about her past through the lenses of what Jesus has done, able to be grateful for the sacrifice of those who’ve loved me.

This hasn’t always been my story,

I knew another story that went a little more like this …

I found myself at sixteen hanging around the wrong kids (it’s way more complicated than this, but I want to quickly get to my main point) and acting out in rebellion. I began a habit of lying about where I went and with who. I snuck out at night with my friends and boys looking for a sense of community (I guess) with others that shared in a similar adolescent identity crisis. As my defiance grew at home my Mom tried several avenues to try to get my behavior under control to no avail. Then at 17 when I had snuck out of my house, I was in a situation where I used Meph for the first time. Meph is a stimulant drug, and has many names; speed, crystal, ice, crank, etc. I literally felt like I hadn’t known happiness before that moment, I felt something I had never felt before, I felt alive. That night I fell in love with a deception and I fell in love with the drug that led me to live in that deception.

Everyday became about filling the void in my heart and chasing the illusive first high, at any cost. My life had become self destructive, if you got in my path you could get hurt so my motto became, “If you can’t handle it, get out of the way”.  It started out just days of me not coming home, then it would be two weeks at a time.

At one point I took my friend to the hospital because she thought her lung exploded from smoking meph, they took one look at me and admitted me as well. I was 90 lbs, I had sores on my lips, couldn’t keep my tongue in my mouth (I had it wrapped in a wash cloth) because the sores hurt so bad. I was severally dehydrated from not eating or drinking water. They gave me a shot to put me to sleep, it probably had been a week since I had slept and I woke up to my Mom standing over me. I will never forget her eyes as she peered over me laying in that hospital bed. She wasn’t concerned about drilling me about where I had been, because she was relieved to know where I was now. Something unexpected happened in my heart, I was sorry I had hurt her. I knew I had broken her heart and yet she still loved me. I wish this is were the story ended, but that was only rehab number two.

If you added up the scattered days I went to school my senior year of high school it would be about four months. After my fourth in-patient drug rehabilitation center my mom convinced my high school to let me walk with my class if I could get all my work in before finals. I barely graduated. The addiction went on to control my life until I was 19 years old. You can read my salvation story on Destiny in Bloom here.

I share this story not for you to feel sorry for me or air out any past junk. I’m more concerned about proving a point about the God I love and a Mom who has stood with me through thick and thin.

I felt the Holy Spirit ask me to write out my story for the Mamas struggling on this Mother’s day believing for their child to overcome some great odd. It may not be as severe as my story but a broken heart is a broken heart. This is my encouragement … God is big enough! His love arrested my life and if He healed and set me free, He can do it for your child!

I was recently at women’s conference and the Lord asked me to grab a young lady’s arm who I knew esteemed my family and say,

“I am not a “special” Christian. I went to rehab four times. I had a severe phobia of dying of AIDS. Everything I have I don’t deserve. You see if Jesus has done this for me, He can do what you need Him to do for you! All that I have, my husband and my children, I know has come from Him.”

Whether I’m teaching or sitting across the table from someone and I say, “Only I know who I was before I met Him,” this story is welled up in my chest with great gratitude for a God who was bigger than me, who rescued me and wants to rescue anyone who calls on His name.

If you have a child you are believing to come to know Jesus or find their way back, maybe they are just rebelling … I want to pray with you:

Lord,

I know you can love a child or grandchild so much your heart fills like it can explode in your chest. Fear and anxiety want to steal our ability to pray, Lord we lay those at your feet right now and we choose to instead throw ourselves on your faithfulness. Holy Spirit show us how to pray prophetic strategic prayers in agreement with your will. In 2 Samuel 14:14 (Amp) your words says, “We must all die; we are like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be gathered up again. And God does not take away life, but devises means so that he who is banished may not be an utter outcast from Him.” You Lord devise a plan, show us how to pray in agreement with that plan. Show us how to love in the mist of disappointment and sadness. In moments we feel utterly helpless would you speak to us and stir up greater faith to see beyond what our circumstances yell. We pray that salvation would spring up in the heart of (add your love one’s name here) and Your kindness that leads to repentance would rest there for Your glory. Lord would you heal the hearts of your Mamas … in every place that has been broken, would you touch every piece with your truth and truly bless with peace every Mama on this Mother’s day!

In Jesus Name … Amen!

I dedicate this to my steadfast Mama and every Mama who’s known a broken heart!

Great Love! ~Ris

8 comments

  1. Amber Freeman
  2. Sarah Razo
  3. Becki Sapien-Melchor
  4. spiritualpassion
  5. heather
  6. Heather

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