My Reflections of Motherhood

May
2010
08

posted by on Blog Entries

18 comments

I remember the moment they handed me my (now oldest) son right after he was born, I laid him on my chest, so he could hear the familiarity of my heartbeat. I stared into his eyes and ran my fingers along his head over and over again. It’s like I could almost feel my heart grow to accommodate this new love that flooded into it. I looked at this innocent little life and wanted to give it everything I never had and protect it from everything that ever hurt me. I based this array of emotion and thought on my life experiences not knowing the unique journey that lay ahead of him, one with it’s own unique challenges that would never quite meet mine. It’s funny how we do that, try to protect others from what has hurt us. It’s not always easy to see in the moment, a little easier to see in retrospect.

No one told me being a Mother would be so intense from the delivery to the recovery not to mention sleepless nights, nursing, and hormones. I’d do it again and again without regret when I look into the faces of my four little men. Each one of them is so different in there expression of us as parents and in their innate expression of their God given personalities. I revel daily in some new facet about them. They keep me on my toes, they test my character, they sharpen my intellect, they broaden my scope of emotions … they’ve made me better.

There have been good days when they get what I’ve taught them and actually obey and then there are the days when I want to turn the light out in my closet and hide. There are victories and disappointments. There is sadness (like when your holding a young one with a fever) and there is joy (when you surprisingly are so excited to see a five year old graduate kindergarten). There are tears and there is dancing. There is learning to be “big” while teaching them to enjoy being small. There are capturing moments and fleeting moments … each one a gift.

It’s hard to summarize the emotions and life lessons of being a Mother into the confines of words and especially for me there’s just not enough of them. My heart is full this year of gratefulness for this moment. I love my memories of yesterday and I’m not going to rush tomorrow. I want to live with my children knowing my “I love you” is for today and there will be a fresh one for tomorrow.  I want to stop protecting them from my fears brought on by my past. I want to free them to their own journey not being held back by mine … all with the Holy Spirit’s help of course.  I’m sure they will experience hurt feelings and pain. I’m so honored to have the opportunity to hold them when they fall with a big fat Mama hug and probably some tears in my eyes. Because well that’s just life … it’s not without it’s scrapes.

It’s not until you become a Mom you fully appreciate your own Mom … so here’s a little something for mine:

For My Mom on Mother’s Day

Thank you for rocking me to sleep when I had earaches

Thank you for kissing boo-boos

Thank you for every Princess Cake

Thank you for every packed lunch

Thank you for every school project you HAD to do!

Thank you for my first pair of Guess jeans I had to have.

Thank you for summer camp

Thank you for believing in me when I was scared

Thank you for every trip to Disneyland

Thank you for coming to all my plays

Thank you for never giving up

Thank you for your prayers and tears when you thought you lost me

Thank you for searching for me

Thank you for finding me

Thank you for tough love

Thank you for believing the best

Thank you for never giving up

Thank you for being at my wedding

Thank you for being there when I had babies

Thank you for every call you’ve taken when I’m crying because my babies are sick

Thank you for being the best Grandma EVER!

Thank you for your LOVE … your unconditional LOVE!

With Great Love and a Happy Mother’s Day to ALL!!!

~Ris

18 comments

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