Tossing Rumors … Finding GOD!


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My first conversation with God, really talking to God went something like …

“I’m going to do wonders in your life.” –God

“What? You’re going to do wonders in my life? I’m a bleep-bleep-bleeping drug addict didn’t you like know that? You are like, um … GOD!” –Me and in my best Californian valley-girl accent leaning against the counter in the kitchen of my Aunt and Uncle’s house.

What a complete and utter mess I was.  Addicted to crystal meth also known as speed, a good 90 lbs. and hearing voices; not exactly new, … but this one was different! Tears welled up in my eyes as these words of hope were prying open my heart.  Could it be true? It was an invitation and a declaration.  It’s like I had a choice but not really as I locked myself in the bathroom so that my Grandma, Aunt, and Uncle wouldn’t think their tactics of trying to get me“saved” were working. There was the planted bible next to my bed with a hand written inscription, the Christian TV station on 24/7, along with a  soundtrack of Christian worship  playing in the background to dramatically set the stage for a salvation experience. One could think. These tools did come in handy later. But really it was just the simple words spoken directly by God that in one moment changed this broken little girl’s life.

I’m going to do wonders in your life.” -GOD

It’s been fifteen years ago now since I locked myself in that bathroom and experienced the love of God wash over me and ALL my sin, setting me free from an addiction to drugs and igniting a flame in my heart for more of Him. Have I done things perfectly since meeting Him that day? Ummm … NO! I began learning to walk a new way and like any baby learning to walk, I wobbled, I tripped, and even fell (yes, even on my face). But He would pick me up, dust me off and say, “Let’s try that again baby doll, you’ve got this girl, because I’ve got you!”

I just recently returned from visiting that bathroom on a trip back to California to see my Grandma (picture below). I took a moment to just stand in that bathroom and thank God for ALL the wonders He’s done in my life. Just like He said He would do. I thought of the healing that has taken place in my heart from the past, so I can stand before Him a healthy and whole person. Miraculous. I thought of my husband and how He brought us together, this man God has chosen to make me a better person. Miraculous.  I thought of each of my precious little boys, God unwrapping their destiny daily before my eyes. Oh my goodness, MIRACULOUS! The word “wonders” took on new meaning as my heart was humbled by the extravagance of His love. Gratefulness that knows no bounds, for only I know who I was the day we met. Oh how He delights in taking the foolish things and confounding the wise. I was the perfect Candidate for such an endeavor, aren’t we all?

”But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty;” 1 Corinthians 1:27


In this moment of reveling in His goodness, He took me back to that day I choose Him by way of a vision. It was like a bird’s eye view of that day. I could see myself, I was thin and fragile, long straight black hair to my waist, crying with abandon in this new love and acceptance, repentant of sin you wouldn’t want to repeat.

He whispered to me, “You were so beautiful to me in that moment.”

“Wait … let me hear you correctly God. Are you saying to me …  in what I perceive was my worst moment, entangled in sin and addiction … You found me to be beautiful?”, I inquired as a great mystery was being revealed to my heart.

A rumor or lie as you will was being exposed and everything in me cried out, “BUSTED!” , to the enemy of our souls.  You see the rumor about God is somehow that the better we get, the more we please Him, the more righteous we become, that by the things we do, we can actually cause Him to love us more. Not truth!

You see … the truth is the same love he offered me in that bathroom when I was drenched in sin is the same love he offers me daily as I choose to walk with Him. He loves me the same today as He did then. I’ve never been required to earn anything, but receive everything. Every key to His kingdom available to me by His Spirit and in His word … I cheat myself if I try and earn His love. It’s like trying to return the greatest gift ever given.  It’s like throwing away what He has called “beautiful” … His great love for us!

There are a lot of rumors out there about God. About Jesus. About the Holy Spirit. We dispel rumors about God by knowing God. We dispel rumors by experiencing His love and hearing His voice. These rumors and lies put God in a box with boundaries that deny us the limitless expression of His love and what that love can do in our lives when realized.  A box just isn’t big enough for our God. I know I feel claustrophobic when I feel someone has put me in a box! I want to spend my life pleasantly surprising myself and those I love. I venture to say God wants to too.  Let’s take a moment to let the Holy Spirit expose rumors with the reality of His love and purposes for us. He is always speaking … let us be listening.


What rumors or lies have kept me from the truth of who you are and your great love for me? Jesus … allow me to experience the refreshing of your love flowing over and in me once again. Restore hope in your wondrous ways, help me to unfold daily the mysteries of who You are to me … in me … for the world to see! I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made to walk with you in this great romance of redemption. Thank you for calling me friend and walking with me through this journey of tossing rumors and finding YOU!

In Jesus name!


You are carried in my heart and with GREAT love,

~ Ris

You can also see this post at: Destiny in Bloom

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