My Heart: House or Home?


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My heart: House or Home?

I was driving to Starbucks after working out in the morning singing and responding to worship playing in my car. I love how worship can connect our hearts to God when we engage even for a moment. I began praying this prayer…”Lord I want my heart to be your home…that YOU the creator of the universe would be resident in my heart to see the truth of who I am…my strengths…my weak and frail parts…the parts that still have icky residue from my past to deal with…some I can see…some I can’t. Really live in me…be BIG inside me…BE bigger than me in me. I don’t want to be your house…I want to be your home!” And then…the download of His heart and revelation came to me. I don’t want to be a house that’s decorated and looks good…looks like it loves God…has pictures on the walls with scriptures…but His presence isn’t there. I want to be a home that might even be disheveled at times but IS lived in. I want God to live there and feel at home and others to feel at home because God lives there!

The revelation of this house and home thing really brought to light something in my heart. For so long I’ve had an idea of what my home schooling and domestication (for lack of a better word) should look like. That on any given day after home schooling my oldest son through all his subjects and had him read for twenty minutes, helped my second son through his kindergarten work, and entertained two smaller children…I should be able to get my house immaculately clean (like every other Mother does…right???) I should be able to keep it that way until my husband walks through the door. And well…I can occasionally get it that way…and it might even last a couple hours until a small tornado called my four children comes through and um…we begin again. I say ALL that to say it’s an idea I keep myself to…that I beat myself up about if I can’t get it done the way I want to get it done. It’s been a long struggle to find balance. But I’ve realized…I’ve served this idea in my head instead of serving God in this area of my life. And for a long time now I haven’t cared so much about what other people might think about me since I have a hard enough time with what I think about me …my own opinions of how I’m doing as wife and mother (most often we are our worst critic). I am not saying that I’m NOT going to clean…seriously does the cleaning ever end? No…I just want to serve God and not an idea…I want to be me…walking in Grace that is REAL…I don’t want to miss God in this moment because I’m off serving an idea of who I should be and trying desperately to arrive there instead of loving Him and being the best me I can be now! I only have today…TODAY…tomorrow’s worries will be there when I get there and when I get there…they are not too big for God! Deep breaths…I‘m finally okay with never arriving…embracing imperfection as my link to utter dependence on the ONE who made me imperfect. I was just telling my son tonight something he has heard me say since he was a baby… “ I will make you one promise about me that you can take to the bank…I will NOT be perfect, in fact I will blow it (more than once)…I will hurt your feelings…you’ll hurt mine…it’s relationships and it’s life…I won’t be perfect but I promise to lead you to the ONE that IS! He forgives…He heals…He makes new and He makes better.” He (my son) may only understand this in part now…but I know there will be a day he really gets it. It’s taken some years but I have finally got it for myself! I am just a Mom trying to walk this life out with God the best I can…aware of His amazing grace and humbled by His ever-present companionship that rises on the inside of me when I’m weak and says, “Your with Me now…we’ve got this!” I’m humbled that He chose imperfect vessels to be the place He wants to abide…that He chooses my heart…your heart to be His Home…a place His presence lives! We could all look around our hearts if we are willing to be honest and see messes…we might even think we can’t invite Him in till we get it all straightened up…but all the more I say, “Lord get comfy up in our hearts…make our hearts your home…because I know if You’re living here…the rest will surely fall into place!”

Being His home and with Great Love,


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