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My Heart: House or Home?
14May2009 Filed under: Blog Entries Author: Star GirlMy heart: House or Home?
I was driving to Starbucks after working out in the morning singing and responding to worship playing in my car. I love how worship can connect our hearts to God when we engage even for a moment. I began praying this prayer…”Lord I want my heart to be your home…that YOU the creator of the universe would be resident in my heart to see the truth of who I am…my strengths…my weak and frail parts…the parts that still have icky residue from my past to deal with…some I can see…some I can’t. Really live in me…be BIG inside me…BE bigger than me in me. I don’t want to be your house…I want to be your home!” And then…the download of His heart and revelation came to me. I don’t want to be a house that’s decorated and looks good…looks like it loves God…has pictures on the walls with scriptures…but His presence isn’t there. I want to be a home that might even be disheveled at times but IS lived in. I want God to live there and feel at home and others to feel at home because God lives there!
The revelation of this house and home thing really brought to light something in my heart. For so long I’ve had an idea of what my home schooling and domestication (for lack of a better word) should look like. That on any given day after home schooling my oldest son through all his subjects and had him read for twenty minutes, helped my second son through his kindergarten work, and entertained two smaller children…I should be able to get my house immaculately clean (like every other Mother does…right???) I should be able to keep it that way until my husband walks through the door. And well…I can occasionally get it that way…and it might even last a couple hours until a small tornado called my four children comes through and um…we begin again. I say ALL that to say it’s an idea I keep myself to…that I beat myself up about if I can’t get it done the way I want to get it done. It’s been a long struggle to find balance. But I’ve realized…I’ve served this idea in my head instead of serving God in this area of my life. And for a long time now I haven’t cared so much about what other people might think about me since I have a hard enough time with what I think about me …my own opinions of how I’m doing as wife and mother (most often we are our worst critic). I am not saying that I’m NOT going to clean…seriously does the cleaning ever end? No…I just want to serve God and not an idea…I want to be me…walking in Grace that is REAL…I don’t want to miss God in this moment because I’m off serving an idea of who I should be and trying desperately to arrive there instead of loving Him and being the best me I can be now! I only have today…TODAY…tomorrow’s worries will be there when I get there and when I get there…they are not too big for God! Deep breaths…I‘m finally okay with never arriving…embracing imperfection as my link to utter dependence on the ONE who made me imperfect. I was just telling my son tonight something he has heard me say since he was a baby… “ I will make you one promise about me that you can take to the bank…I will NOT be perfect, in fact I will blow it (more than once)…I will hurt your feelings…you’ll hurt mine…it’s relationships and it’s life…I won’t be perfect but I promise to lead you to the ONE that IS! He forgives…He heals…He makes new and He makes better.” He (my son) may only understand this in part now…but I know there will be a day he really gets it. It’s taken some years but I have finally got it for myself! I am just a Mom trying to walk this life out with God the best I can…aware of His amazing grace and humbled by His ever-present companionship that rises on the inside of me when I’m weak and says, “Your with Me now…we’ve got this!” I’m humbled that He chose imperfect vessels to be the place He wants to abide…that He chooses my heart…your heart to be His Home…a place His presence lives! We could all look around our hearts if we are willing to be honest and see messes…we might even think we can’t invite Him in till we get it all straightened up…but all the more I say, “Lord get comfy up in our hearts…make our hearts your home…because I know if You’re living here…the rest will surely fall into place!”
Being His home and with Great Love,
12 Responses to “My Heart: House or Home?”
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About Me
My name is Marissa....I love my God....who rescued me from myself ....presented me new life...and I embraced it and the journey began. I'm married to the man I spent soo many nights praying for...I'm so glad I never settled. He is a Pastor (He owns his own company now...but even if you tried you can't take the Pastor out of him)...but, he was one long before he had the title...titles don't mean much to me...it's God who sees the heart. We refuse to live on a pedistool...we just want to love God...fulfill our destiny in him...and raise Godly little men who really get it....this walk with God. We are not perfect but we love the ONE that is... I love seeing lives changed for the better...I love people getting free...I love dreams coming true...I love when my boys talk about Jesus...it's the purest kinda joy...I love having true friends that inspire me and challenge me...I love being real...This is who I am...this is RIS!
Amy
May 15th, 2009 at 7:32 am
Ris-
Beautifully written my friend. I am so touched by your openness to share your heart. Thank you!
thefarmerfiles
May 15th, 2009 at 9:57 am
Gonna have to start sharing that same promise with my 4 year old. He thinks I am SUPERMOMMY right now. It’s flattering now, but I think he is going to be in for a HUGE disappointment. I need to re-emphasize the One who is perfect!
Veronica Valdez
May 15th, 2009 at 10:05 am
It’s amazing how when God is speaking, He says the same things over and over until we get it…. what you said here is almost exactly what I’ve been reading in this book… “Lies Homeschool Moms Believe”. It’s been a long time since I’ve had time to make it through a book but this one I’ve been eating up. Thanks for confirming what it’s all about!!!! Our kiddos will not remember having a clean house but the will remember having pillow fights with mom and dad!
Rebecca Gates
May 15th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Ahhhhh, I love this! You have unveiled the trap that the enemy sets for all mothers. What a beautiful, and inspiring blog.
Tirzah
May 15th, 2009 at 10:30 pm
Ummm … hmmm … so yah … wow! What do I say? Powerful Ris. You spoke right to my heart … to my struggle every day! I struggle to find a balance between everything. I have such an ideal in my head and heart and I can never seem to attain it. Thanks for the encouragement. Beautiful blog Ris! Good job.
And … umm … no the cleaning never stops!
Ashley
May 16th, 2009 at 12:55 am
great post, friend. there is a song (i think by watermark) called “my heart, your home”.
and we’ll have plenty of time to clean when the kids are older…like out of the house.
Celeste Barnard
May 16th, 2009 at 8:14 am
Wow. Okay- this is by far (in my opinion) one of your best blogs..ever! I say that because you have spoken to my heart on such a deep level- I can’t even tell you. Thank you for allowing God to amazingly use your life and then put it into words for all of us to learn from. You are a gift! Thank you. Celeste
Babs Coppedge
May 18th, 2009 at 11:00 pm
With your words, you have provided us the perfectly balanced word picture comparing the “appearance” of a kept-up house and the comfort of settling down into a lived-in home. You’ve dealt honestly with the self-doubt of all mothers/wives… “If she can do it, surely I can too, right?” 14 years after the birth of my first child, I have realized that the messes never really go away and that they aren’t as important as I used to make them. The messes will go away when the kids do – at least the majority of them anyway – but that clean house will come at the price of an empty nest. As with my home, my heart can be quite messy, too. But that mess cannot be blamed on my kids… drats! I have struggled with the appearance issue too many times, always to discover that my heart will never be clean enough for me to feel like it’s ok to invite Jesus over. You have reminded me, again, that it’s not about having the perfectly kept home [for that is really just a facade], but it’s about having a home and heart that are lived in and where Jesus lives. Well done!
Renee Pellet
May 19th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
I’m so glad we get to be imperfect friends! Love you!
Mom
June 4th, 2009 at 10:42 pm
Wow! God has really provided you a talent of written expression through your walks with God. I see, hear and touch all the hectic wonders and love nestled in your home and the burst of energy radiated by my grandsons while at school and play at home. Thanks for the devotion you give to your sons to build their strength in knowing Jesus and teaching them to become Godly men in the future. This will spare them from many of life’s negative forces and pain. Thanks for sharing your testimonies and sharing your walks with God. I’m proud of you! Mom
Kim Fox
July 6th, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Wow this was so amazing ! Love your blog !
Kelli
July 20th, 2009 at 8:36 am
I’ve never met you but just came across your blog. I recently had my 4th baby and have really been struggling with how to manage it all! I too have this picture in my head of everything that I SHOULD be able to manage. I have to daily have a re-alignment of focus on what is important and what is not. It is so encouraging to know that I’m not alone in my struggles. I too want so desperately for God to have a comfy home in my heart! Thank you so much for writing about this!