It’s kind of funny because I never thought I was an angry person until I got married and had kids. Jesus never said we wouldn’t get angry…because…umm…we WILL get angry…it’s just a matter of how we deal with our anger. I got permission from my husband Yuri to open a window into the raw realness of our lives to share a recent journey I went on with the Lord. I get a lot of comments like, “Wow how do you do all that you do with four kids…AND home school…AND spend time with the Lord…you are like Super Mom!” …Um …no I am just a daughter of the King just like you trying my best to pursue God in the mundane and the great! Just this weekend I would have been the Mom you saw at Subway with her bottom up high noon trying with one hand to hold her britches above her panties and with the other wiping up spilled lemonade from her two year old…all while holding my breath and chanting the mantra we all know, “I think I can…I think I can,”…endure all the starring! I’m just like you…I am in the journey of BECOMING! Becoming the woman after His heart, the wife who honors her husband, and the nurturing steward of the children I must release back into His care. So in this ever-evolving process of becoming…I had begun talking to Lord about how I felt about the anger I would feel almost everyday that my husband wouldn’t walk in the door between a certain time. I would get angry at him for not coming home on time…for surely this reflected how much he loved me…not true. I would get angry at circumstances…especially the ones that would come up fifteen minutes before he left work…because surely this reflected how he picked circumstances over me….not true. Can you begin to see the lies I had allowed my heart to believe? Can you see how those lies fueled and kindled anger in my heart? The journey to freedom and truth in this area began with acknowledging how ugly the anger made me feel. How the enemy was right there to accuse me when I would indulge in it. You know as woman and men we are so different…our perspectives are so diverse. I am a minute counter…I can tell you how many minutes it takes to do almost anything. My husband on the other hand is very optimistic in his generalization of time. Example… Can you conquer the world in three minutes?…and just like Bob the Bulider…”Yes I can!”, would be his response. And I love him for his optimism…I just wasn’t loving it at five pm when I thought I needed him home…just his presence was soothing after a long day of home-schooling and domestic greatness;) So, when I would get the calls that things were NOT going according to my by-the-minute plan….there was the awkward silence followed by the stressed wordless ”mmm…hmmm…” I’m sure he dreaded it.
My heart would be disappointed and withdrawal. When I would get off the phone the devil would begin to accuse my husband to me. Some days I would be the warrior princess Jesus has called me to be combating the lies of the enemy with my numchuck skills of worship and reliance. Other days I would fail in this area of my heart giving way to fatigue and discouragement. Aren’t you glad that it’s not in the falling but in the getting back up that defines a man of perseverance and character…I sure am! We may fall…life in God is not without it’s falls and failures but even in ALL THIS we cling to Jesus and the process of becoming His princess…His bride!
So, as I began to talk to Jesus about my afternoon anger problem and lift it to him. I could hear Him reminding me of a saying I’ve heard many times….”It only takes 21 days to break or make a habit.” This got me thinking and as I meditated on this…I could feel Him calling me to a fast like challenge. Because I was so done with the ugliness this anger would make me feel I responded to the Lord, “Let’s take it to the mattresses! What do you want me to do?…Jesus let’s do this thang!” And then it was like He gave me the download…aka…the God plan. Which involved not calling, texting, or emailing my husband after four pm until he got home and then not asking why he was or was not home by a certain time for 21 days! Now I just had to obey and be diligent to give this gift to the Lord and my husband with a good attitude and joyful heart. Remember God loves a cheerful giver…I may not have been giving him money but I was giving Him the sacrifice of my heart to be more like Him. I was giving Him place to be Lord of my anger. There were days over the 21 day challenge when I had made plans to be places at a certain time and I had to trust God to apprehend my husband and remind him to be home. And you know what?.. HE DID IT! Every time without fail the Lord took my sacrifice and blessed me with His faithfulness. The kind of faithfulness that IS tangible. I knew from the minute the Lord spoke this challenge to me it wasn’t to change my husband…it was to change me! The question was…would I be willing to be the only one changed? Would I change even if my husband didn’t? Would I be willing to take on the perspective of maybe he really didn’t even need to be changed. Ladies… it’s just all about BECOMING…it may not be anger for you…there may be other areas the Lord wants to give you His beauty for your ashes….Let Him have it…I promise you…He can be trusted! If you find any encouragement at all from this rendering of my heart let be that…we are not perfect and…um…He kind of gets that because He made us human and fallible. But as we give him our shortcomings and failures He perfects our faith…He perfects our spirit to grow in the likeness of Christ. So as our spiritual man is BEING perfected doesn’t mean our fleshly man doesn’t have falls (don’t get me wrong the falls become less) but the falls DO NOT disqualify the work of our spirits BEING perfected…we DON’T start over…we simply get up…wipe our hands off…lift our heads to focus on the Son and continue on this journey of knowing Him!!!!
You are LOVED and carried in my heart!
With the GREATEST love,
~Ris
Victory in Jesus!! I can hear the chant now!! How awesome and inspiring – you go girl!! I love you, Tomi
Your Blog was great…
Your blog ministered to me soooooooooooo much!!! I thought I was the only one who struggled with that or even had those feelings when my hubby would be late..It was encouraging to hear you had the same struggles, but even more that you over came them!!! Thank you for being so willing to open up your heart… you encourage us all to be come more like our precious Papa!!!
Your blog was awesome! You are so authentic and transparent that God’s truth is easy to see and “hear”. Thank you for spurring me on towards a deeper relationship with Christ. Loves~
I’ve been thinking along the same lines….I feel like any anger or frustration I feel when situations or people aren’t going according to MY plans really only poisons me. Sometimes it just takes a little acceptance, a deep breath, a shift in perspective or a prayer to turn things around. I keep reminding myself I don’t need to call someone out on every little thing. Letting a few things go and saying yes to the flow of life can limit a lot of negative interactions. I can also relate to the part where you said the enemy is waiting to turn your thoughts negative and poison your heart. I deal with the same things! My mind is always waiting to go off on some negative tangent and I need to be a warrior as you say and fight off those tendencies. I really enjoyed your blog and can relate to it entirely! ~
Loved your blog! Thanks for the honesty! Loves ya!
Good job Ris! You did good. I can testify to the peace you had after 4pm and the ground you gained from your obedience.
Kids bring out the best and the worst in us!!!
I love how easily you express your feelings when you write.
I can so relate… I used to be so upset if G came home late from work. I didn’t understand why He didn’t try to come home to relieve me everyday ASAP!!!
G and I laugh now about how miserable I used to be if he was late. He knew the call I made to him 2 min. past the time he was to be home was going to be from his nagging, stressed out wife!!
I so regret it. I regret not enjoying the fact that I got to stay home with the loves of my life while he went to work everyday. He was out trying to provide for his family in a job that has way more stress then I did with a newborn and 3 yr old.
I wish I could say that I had a Divine revelation like you did. What a great testimony!! Now that both of my kids are a little older and going to school I’m not a stress case at 5 p.m.
Now, I try to greet my Man, after a long days work, no matter what time he gets home and be a blessing to him!!
Thanks for sharing!!
Love you Ris!!
Ris- this entry was so real. I have been in that anger spot so many times regarding my husband coming home from work.
So glad to see your example of sacrifice and the fruit.
You have such a talent for turning everyday frustrations into such Jesus teaching/learning moments.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with all of us!
Thanks for posting this. Christians need to be more real with one another. How can the truth set us free if we think we can’t share the truth of our struggles.
I love your writing. When I read it , it’s like I’m seeing you and exactly what’s going on. Thank you for sharing and being so real. How many of us tend to nag or sigh, or do the silent treatment. We’ve all done it and we all probably find ourselves doing it still from time to time. I have made a choice to love and respect my husband and not try to change him- that’s Gods job! We are called to be their ‘help mate’ and they are to love us like Christ loved the church. We need to hold up our end of the bargain, and if they don’t- that’s between them and God. Everything we do including loving them is a sweet sacrifice up to the lord. Thank you for sharing…very encouraging!!! :}
Thank you for sharing your heart in this. I can’t tell you how many times that I have had those same feelings and thoughts going through my head. I love the transparency of your writing and you simplify and break it down. You are such a treasure of a friend. Love you girl!
I love you (oh, yeah and Yuri and the children, too)!!!!! And think, we haven’t even met (YET). I cannot wait to meet you and the kids and to see Yuri (my brother in Christ) soon!
ALOHA NUI LOA.
Marissa, thank you for sharing this! What really ministered to me was you reminding us that we are on a “journey of becoming”. I am BEING perfected but not expected to be perfect. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing!
Thank you for sharing your heart with all of us- what a beautiful gift! You really have a gift for writing.
The Lord has been speaking to me about that anger that likes to sneak up into my heart. Scripture that I have been holding onto for dear life is, “A man of wrath stirs up strife and man given to anger commits and causes much transgression. A man’s pride brings him low, but he who is of humble spirit obtains honor.” Prov. 29
Bless you and your sweet family!
Ris, I read this blog of yours many months ago and was awed by your honesty and the outcome of this challenge. I loved what you walked through with Jesus, and in that moment a seed was planted and I knew then that a 21 day challenge was coming my way…I just didn’t know when or for what. This morning, after reading Pam’s “bikini” blog on D.I.B., my challenge surfaced.
I want to thank you for being the vessel that Jesus used to plant this very seed in my heart. I am looking forward to walking out my 21 day challenge with Jesus and the outcome is will bring.
Babs
[...] presents The 21 day challenge! Jesus and Ris take on afternoon anger! posted at Star Girl Marissa shares about her 21 day challenge to break the anger habit. She [...]
[...] was just a mere three months ago. I blog about it at my personal blog page with a blog titled, “Ris and Jesus take on afternoon anger,” you can read more about that journey [...]